Solitude or Prison?

. I have viewed silence and solitude as a kind of prison up until this year. I always found sitting alone in silence hard and pointless. I never cared to be alone or to be silent for that matter. I have always tried to fill silence with words, but I have been confronting my fear of loneliness during morning quiet times and on solitude retreat. What I am learning is that silence and loneliness is beautiful. It is nearly impossible to hear God's quiet whisper when you don't sit and listen. Many times we get caught in the whirlwind of life, and we don't mind because it keeps us from feeling alone. Well at least that was true for me. Over the past month and a half God has been showing me his beauty in silence and solitude. This was a lesson I never expected to learn this year. I thought living in a house with six other people there will never be a quiet moment. Needless to say I was wrong, and I can honestly say that I am glad that I was.

I have been practicing different methods of reading scripture in the morning. In a book that we are reading for Wednesday night bible study suggested as a discipline a type of scripture reading called lectio divina. This is a very deliberate way to read scripture. It is a slow and reflective process. (If you would like to know more about it email me.) I chose to focus on Romans 1:16-17. It was a beautiful time to hear God speak to me from his word. I was able to slowly and methodically read and reflect on the message. Listening to what God was telling me in this particular scripture. I heard words like unashamed, righteousness, and gospel. I then took the time to reflect on those words.

Being unashamed allows me to freely trust in God's will, and to freely follow him into situations that may be difficult. When I read about righteousness it reminds me that we are clothed in his righteousness, and that we can delight in that fact. I was also reminded what the gospel was, the good news of grace that was freely given by our loving father by the death of his son Jesus. I also realized what it means to combine these three things. To wear God's righteousness while being unashamed of the gospel, means to trust in what he is having you to do know that there is no reason to worry about what others think about you, and to gladly portray Jesus in our everyday life.

Thursday and Friday, we spent on a solitude retreat. I believe in total we spent between 6 and 7 hours alone with God just reflecting on readings, in prayer or just being. I read Psalm 104 in my first 45 minutes of quiet time and spent the whole time trying to listen to God in the scripture and in nature. In the Psalm there is a part that speaks about the wind. During that part the wind began to blow fairly strongly. This reminded me of how active our God is. We do not serve a God that sits in the heavens and looks down upon us. We worship a God that kisses our cheeks in the wind, that speaks to us in the silence, that wants a intimate relationship with him, and that wants us to realize that he loves us even though we are broken.  These are some of the things I learned during my time of solitude.

I said above that I use to think that silence and time alone felt like a prison. It felt like a prison because I didn't know how to let things go and give them to God. I was afraid to be quiet and alone. I didn't realize that being silent and alone would allow me to meet with God. When we allow ourselves to be still and reflect on God, we allow God to meet us in our brokenness and that is where healing begins. I thank God that he does not expect me to be perfect, that he loves me in my imperfection. I thank God for the silence and the whisper of his voice that gently whispers, "Adam, I love you. I have been trying to tell you this, but you have surrounded yourself with noise. Can you hear me, my son? I love you!"

Grace and peace,
 Adam Q.